Out of twenty (20) maybe one will be ambitious enough to do anything other than hold down an 8 to 5 job due to lack of perseverance and willingness.

We can spend lots of time preaching to others about being successful and how to grow one's mind and pocketbook but out of the many that hear only a few will really listen and out of those only a few will use the information to grow a plan of success.

I hear and read comments from many about how they can't do, or how they are trying but can't get to, or how they need and can't get or find, and how difficult it is to make ends meet.

I am reminded that many years ago we were lucky to have the opportunity to get involved or be employed or just to help our neighbour but we did because we greeted and spoke and shared and worked toward getting better at everything.

As stated many times success do not necessary mean money or large property holders and no it don't necessary mean being a regular church member or having lots of friends either.

What it really means is being true to one self and knowing that the life you live is a meaningful one, that you have been able to help someone else and is satisfied that you are now happy in the shell that you occupy.

As often as I have reviewed my own position and others I have often wondered why we find it difficult to be committed to something and help grow that commitment for the better of our community and our children.

Well I think I finally found out a solution. Most are not ambitious or willing enough and don't have the perseverance to do so yet most think they are doing so.

Go out and help your fellow community leader or the next person that tells you to participate in a community event and live a life worthy of living.  Isn't that why you are here in the first place?

All comments are welcome

Diffusing Wrong Side of Bed Syndrome

Not to long ago I was going through one of those fast food lines to buy a cup of coffee and a breakfast meal and the line in front of me was about three cars. The person in front of me appeared to be in a hurry tapping on the steering wheel in what appeared to be agitation.

When the person in front of me got to the window I observed an argument between the clerk in the window and the driver in front of me, both were yelling, pointing at each other and leaning toward each other. Eventually the driver drove away with an order and hurried out of the driveway.

I approached the window with a smile noticing the attitude of the clerk was, I will describe as fuming and angry.

I spoke to her with a smile and asked if all was OK, she answered with a forced smile saying “OK but some people just don't get it”. I smiled at her and said, leaning toward her window, “come closer” and as she came closer I said still smiling, “remember the people coming through may be hungry and when people are hungry they don't seem to think straight”.

She backed away, looked at me and broke into a big grin and said, “you are right and that person must have been very hungry”.

As she brought me my order I said to her, “remember also, when people are hungry they can also be very dangerous so keep smiling OK”.

Her anger by now had left and she broke into a big laugh and said, “I'll remember that”.

This is a true story and I like to think I make that young lady's day, that day. I also like to think she may also make someone else's day as a result of what I told her.

You see it is the relationships you share with people that makes a difference in your life as well as others. As a mentor, coach and organizer I find that dealing with people is mostly a matter of how they perceive you and what they think they get out of a relationship with you.

I have come to think in terms of what can I do that will cause someone, anyone to feel they get something from me in the few moments, hours or days they are in my company. Should they leave my presence feeling I gave them something than I think they will be thinking of me in a positive way and should there come a need for my services or input they will remember that I gave and did not take anything from them. Knowing that I am a giver will help influence them to call on me when they are in need of whatever I give and refer others to me for my services.

This is a simple form of networking. The observation here is whether I am doing all this to gain a service call or doing this because I think it is the right thing to do and also do I enjoy doing it.

The key here is if you are just leaning the art of networking and want to build on your relationship skills you first have to evaluate yourself and decide if you want to build a relationship for the express purpose of having someone to call you for service needs or for the purpose of having someone to call you because you enjoy giving services.

Those who are experienced will know without the enjoyment your network will be limited.

Self evaluation is not something you do easily and therefore you may need some other person to give you an unbiased opinion of your position regarding relationships with others and how you go about handling those relationships.

Should you find you are not one that enjoys helping others you may what to find a coach or mentor to help you find out why and guide you toward the joys of giving and helping.

Back to the incident with the driver in the car in front of me at the fast food place, had I had an opportunity to talk with her I would want to know how her morning got started and what her day schedule was going to be like.

Knowing these things would help guide her in not making the same mistake again, that is “never argue with those who prepare or serve you your food” and “how to handle things you can't control”.

I am sure she had other things on her mind rather that having to wait to receive her order that morning and that the clerk nor the other drivers in front of her was in any way responsible for her way of thinking at that time.

Given these two individuals and their situation I feel that one was informed somewhat how to diffuse the next situation like this and just may be able to help that unknown third person who could have as we say got up on the wrong side of the bed.

Wouldn't it be great if all of us took the time to think about the other person and their situation in our relationships. Would this not help us build more relationships and thereby build a broader network of people we know, work with, or come into contact with in our daily environment.

From a business standpoint if we build more relationships, a broader network, does it not stand to reason that we will also have more people that refer us, buy from us, do business with us and just make us more profitable thereby increasing our assets or value.

As a life coach and mentor I like helping those who have a desire for my services be it over the phone, email or in person. This helps me and them to help others and builds relationships and broader net works. It in most cases helps them increase there assets too.

Where do you fit in, are you a net-worker or did you get up on the wrong side of the bed this day?

Do Well

Do Well

Reflecting on my genealogy I am proud of my heritage and most proud of my fore-parents who through tribulations and pain endured in order for me to be. In so doing I am forever cognizant that I carry, along with many like me, a responsibility to not only myself but my parents and my children to do well, that is to never shame or cause those whom shoulders I stand on or those who will stand on mine to look at me as a failure or one to stop making the effort to do well.

Doing well is not to be a famous person or gain much wealth not even to stand out in the community but to make sure that one's children has the opportunity to do well and teach them the value of life and their history.

Following this concept I feel I will have done what was and is my responsibility as handed down through my fore-parents and all those who made it possible for me to be here.

Now to explain what is meant by all those and who I owe responsibility to is to know a little about my history. It is not much different from many and maybe exactly like others. You see in studying my genealogy I find that I am a mixture of many including Native American, German, Swiss, French, English and African. Yes they are all in there some place according to my findings but I am  an African American and as such you may begin to understand why I say I am proud of my fore-parents who endured tribulations and pain.

A fore parent who were made to bear children by her master on one side and another on the other side is just part of that pain. There are many stories that follow but this is not a history depiction of those event, you 'll have to wait until I finish the book to read that. I may never finish at the slow pace I am writing but if I do finish it then you get to read it if you so desire. It will be written as fiction because there is no need to cause others to feel embarrassed or shamed by family history.

So, what is really meant by doing well. Doing well is the process where you grow up listening to your elders, your parents or guardians and following good examples, being a good person and doing to others as you would have others do to you, helping those who have a need, providing for your family and teaching children what you have been taught adding to that through the wisdom that comes from growing old and doing well.

Now that you know, have you had the opportunity to review your position in life and can you say, yes I have done well and continue to do so and will forever do that so that I too will not embarrass my fore-parents or cause harm to those who come after me.

Just think for a moment how powerful this is to you and especially to those who come after you. Just imagine if you fail and and one of those who come after you, because you did not do well. Do you see that you could break a chain causing generations of your descendants to fail.

Failure could mean not being good parents, a continuing line of criminal behavior, not being educated, or not having suitable means of sustainability in job, income or life in general thereby being always dependent on society for life support. Remember proof of doing well is always in the doing and not the saying.

So you see whatever roll you may think you play in the big scheme of things you have a responsibility and that responsibility may rest in whatever your history dictates. Where you come from, who you are, what your parents did or what their parents did and so on. Should you be one of those who were born into a leadership roll you may have a much larger responsibility but you are in charge of your own destiny and you get to pick weather you do well or not. Choose Well, Choose Early and Choose Soon. Time is another subject.

 

Memories Memories

A Yearly Thought:

Having the opportunity to express one’s thoughts and get some kind of feed back from those who hear, or read it is a treasure. It helps one to refine their thinking.

The ability to improve ones knowledge is a blessing and also a treasure and knowing how to accept criticism and make adjustments is what separates success from failure.

Many of us will never achieve success as we measure it but we may reach some level that gives us a modicum of pleasure that satisfies.

I think I may fit in that category. I think so simple because I have always wanted to write and doing so here in a blog may be as close to being a writer as I ever get. So, I enjoy some minuscule of success. As a famous fat guy used to say “How sweet it is”

To be a writer, to think of being successful no matter how small, I believe one has to be willing to dream and also willing to express one’s feelings on paper to the point that the reader has and shares a connection.

As an avid reader, I read everything, I find some writers do this so well that as I read their writing I find myself right there in the book with the character, seeing what the character sees and feeling what the character feels. To me that is the enjoyment of reading but it is also a learning experience and an inspiring desire to imitate the writer.

In saying all this, my attempt here is to tell you a little story, a story about my experience and give you a little insight as to how I come to think the way I do. You see we are governed by our experiences.

Life is full of experiences and one that I always remember is when I was very young, we, my parents, my sister and I lived in a farm house and we had a goat, and a rooster. The goat was mean and I could not go out into the back yard unless the goat was tied to a tree or something.

The rooster owned the back yard too and he was just as mean as the goat and I was always watchful of him and running back into the house when he reared up at me even though he was tied to a tree or stake.. So between the rooster and the goat I shared the back yard only when my parents were out and watchful or when both the goat and the rooster was not around.

Now I was as I said very small, but my sister was a couple of years older and she always kept an eye on me too so I had help avoiding the goat and the rooster.

Yes there were a few times when I almost got caught by either the rooster or the goat but thanks to my sister and the fact that my parents kept the goat tied and the rooster in a pen most of the time I was spared any injury.

Shift forward to a few years and I’m much older, ridding a bicycle and in elementary school with friends to shoot marbles, run and play cowboys with. Those were the good years of youth.

It was doing these early years that I learned that friends would not always agree and sometimes they expressed their feelings with their fists. Being always a quick learner I learned to either talk fast or fight fast but sometimes I needed help.

Help came again in the form on my big sister again. One thing about my friends, all boys, they knew better than to hit a girl so again I escaped being injured as we, us boys got into fights and meaningless scrimmages.

Now I need to qualify the fights, they were never violent or dangerous just as what we call tussling or kids having a good time. However to me at the time it was a fight and you had to win. To win meant getting the other guy down and holding him until he gave up.

Moving forward to being an adult I wanted to see all the US and the as much as the world as possible so I traveled all over the place in the military and after on the jobs I held. When I would come home guess who was one of the first persons I had to check on, yes, my big sister.

Now don’t misunderstand, by now I had another sister at home and other brothers and came home from one of those trips and found another new sister, my baby sister too. What a surprise that was. My brothers and I were always close even the one we teased the most. He passed a few years ago and yes we all miss him too, his great smile and willingness to help others and to participate in everything.

Another thing that may be of interest is that my big sister and I lived with our grandparents and in some ways shared a special bond but we were never far from our parents and we all were kind of one big family. It was like having two families.

I always remember that my parents always had a birthday party for my sister and I being our birthdays was only a day apart and I always gave my sister a card and she always gave me one. No matter where I would be a card would arrive on my birthday and I came to expect it, a simple card that said Happy Birthday was the yearly gift that kept us close.

The card doesn’t come any more, you see my sister passed away some years ago. It is on this day that I always remember her fondly and the many memories we shared together, memories that only a sister and brother can understand, memories of playing in the sand and mud, memories of defending each other, memories of hard work, study and long talks, memories of support and helping each other and making sure that we always care for others too.

So now you may know something about me and just maybe I’ll learn to write too.



Happy Birthday!!!!